I figured as I share my life with this blog that it is time that I explained what exactly is going on in my life, in recent months I have gone through a very difficult break up, one which now involves the police. This break up has led to me realising how difficult it is for women going through difficult relationships. Sadly my relationship is one now categorised as a domestic abuse relationship, this was due to the terrorising that went on during the relationship which included three broken fingers, punches to the face and my jaw being grabbed when he was angry. These only being the physical pain I was put through.
I had always viewed myself as a strong and independent girl and whenever women spoke of domestic abuse I was adamant I would never be victim of this cause I was stronger than people who took abuse like that. Domestic abuse however is not what I thought it was, the relationship I was in was one that was full of blame and anger, I’m aware that arguments happen in all relationships however I am a strong believer that blame should be shared however the blame was constantly placed on me and repeated so many times that I even believed that it was my fault as well.
Blame was also placed on friends and family members such as my best friend and mother who both begged me to leave him, as soon as I stated that they had some worries the blame game was suddenly aimed at them and I was told to not speak to either of them and I did so just to keep him happy.
To add to this he went to my exes from up to four years ago to ask what sexual activity had gone on, this led to so much embarrassment from me as I had to say sorry to each of them for his behaviour, he then took to Facebook to give me more abuse by going on pictures of me and my exes and posting abuse. To think that after all that I stayed with him disgusts me but when he was with me he was lovely which annoys me that he could be so controlling.
Soon comments about my looks and my plans for the future were made and were never nice which pushed me into a depression and made me feel incredibly isolated and sadly made me turn to self harm, this was somewhere I had ventured when I was younger during really hard times, I had just come out of therapy for this and was thinking life was up from there. Stupidly I allowed a boy to push me back in my therapy and am now having to see someone again.
I’d like to point out that due to his words and controlling actions I had contemplated suicide and I’m so much more sympathetic to those suffering with extremely difficult partners, I’d like to congratulate those who have made it out of these relationships and have made a new life for themselves. I’d also like to remind everyone that it is a constant struggle for men and women around the world and there are many many things you can do to combat this, if you are worried about a family member or friend, there is a law Claire’s Law in Scotland in place to check if they have committed a crime of domestic abuse before and I’d urge you to do this first. Then make sure you can contact your friend/family member often without their partner being present. This is critical if you cannot talk in private then this is a HUGE sign of controlling behaviour.
If you are in a relationship like this I’d urge you to contact Women’s Aid they help both men and women and have been an extreme help for me! Also ‘Assist’ can help with the law part of it and tell you what you can and cannot do.
Annoyingly Domestic Abuse is only categorised by its violence and ‘assaults’ but I know the emotional and controlling side can be so much more detrimental and I’d urge the law to be changed! I hope my story has inspired some girls and has given some insight into what it is like. I’m aware I’m only 17 but this can happen at any age!