Spagfest

My friend has a huge party once a year to raise funds for her gap year to China with the name Spagfest (long story) but going to it last night made me realise how much I’ve changed over this past year!

My aspirations haven’t changed but I have as a person, I feel that these changes have made my aspirations more realistic and this has pushed me to be more inspired to achieve my goals!

When I told people I wanted to be a journalist when I was 7 they laughed and said that a princess was what normal kids say, then when I was struggling with English at school even more people told me that I couldn’t do it. Getting my results last year and seeing I got a C in English broke my heart but it pushed me to want to do better!

I’m now counting down the days till I go to university to study journalism and politics and I’m so proud that I proved so many people wrong!

I also noticed the difference between the friends I had last year and the ones now and I’ve realised who the real ones are and the fake ones! A lot has happened over this year and only a few friends stuck around to help me through it and I am eternally grateful to them for their support and love. But to add to that I’ve noticed that in my eagerness to go to university lies the fact that I’ve gotten to know some people from there over Facebook and have now become friends with them!

I hate the saying ‘you’ve changed’ because everyone changes with every life experience and new friend they meet, just cause you’ve changed doesn’t always mean that’s bad because like a piece of technology, sometimes your personality needs an upgrade!

Thank you for reading my little iPhones! Don’t stop upgrading ūüôā

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Now For Something More Serious

I figured as I share my life with this blog that it is time that I explained what exactly is going on in my life, in recent months I have gone through a very difficult break up, one which now involves the police. This break up has led to me realising how difficult it is for women going through difficult relationships. Sadly my relationship is one now categorised as a domestic abuse relationship, this was due to the terrorising that went on during the relationship which included three broken fingers, punches to the face and my jaw being grabbed when he was angry. These only being the physical pain I was put through. 

I had always viewed myself as a strong and independent girl and whenever women spoke of domestic abuse I was adamant I would never be victim of this cause I was stronger than people who took abuse like that. Domestic abuse however is not what I thought it was, the relationship I was in was one that was full of blame and anger, I’m aware that arguments happen in all relationships however I am a strong believer that blame should be shared however the blame was constantly placed on me and repeated so many times that I even believed that it was my fault as well.¬†

Blame was also placed on friends and family members such as my best friend and mother who both begged me to leave him, as soon as I stated that they had some worries the blame game was suddenly aimed at them and I was told to not speak to either of them and I did so just to keep him happy. 

To add to this he went to my exes from up to four years ago to ask what sexual activity had gone on, this led to so much embarrassment from me as I had to say sorry to each of them for his behaviour, he then took to Facebook to give me more abuse by going on pictures of me and my exes and posting abuse. To think that after all that I stayed with him disgusts me but when he was with me he was lovely which annoys me that he could be so controlling. 

Soon comments about my looks and my plans for the future were made and were never nice which pushed me into a depression and made me feel incredibly isolated and sadly made me turn to self harm, this was somewhere I had ventured when I was younger during really hard times, I had just come out of therapy for this and was thinking life was up from there. Stupidly I allowed a boy to push me back in my therapy and am now having to see someone again.

I’d like to point out that due to his words and controlling actions I had contemplated suicide and I’m so much more sympathetic to those suffering with extremely difficult partners, I’d like to congratulate those who have made it out of these relationships and have made a new life for themselves. I’d also like to remind everyone that it is a constant struggle for men and women around the world and there are many many things you can do to combat this, if you are worried about a family member or friend, there is a law Claire’s Law in Scotland in place to check if they have committed a crime of domestic abuse before and I’d urge you to do this first. Then make sure you can contact your friend/family member often without their partner being present. This is critical if you cannot talk in private then this is a HUGE sign of controlling behaviour.¬†

If you are in a relationship like this I’d urge you to contact Women’s Aid they help both men and women and have been an extreme help for me! Also ‘Assist’ can help with the law part of it and tell you what you can and cannot do.¬†

Annoyingly Domestic Abuse is only categorised by its violence and ‘assaults’ but I know the emotional and controlling side can be so much more detrimental and I’d urge the law to be changed! I hope my story has inspired some girls and has given some insight into what it is like. I’m aware I’m only 17 but this can happen at any age!¬†

My Festival Experience

This year I went to T in the Park to celebrate the last year at Balado, I had my first venture to the wonderful festival last year as it celebrated it’s 20th year.

Despite thinking that last year was the most amazing weekend of my life I must admit this year topped it by quite a bit! Not only did I make some fantastic friends but I had a wonderful time and saw some amazing acts!

We started our weekend as a small group of nine people, seven girls and two boys, an obvious disappointment with one being in a relationship with my best friend and the other being gay therefore both being off limits. Soon our campsite was almost full with people cramming their tents into spaces that didn’t exist. As we say watching people take hours to put up one tent we noticed behind our tent there were seven boys (from Dumbarton) wrestling with a huge six man tent. We soon offered our services as amazing campers to help with their tent however ended up laughing at how pathetic they were.

Soon a group of 3 boys from Malta decided it was getting embarrassing and within seconds the tent was up. Our campsite had the biggest area for sitting and talking with our tents being in a big circle so we invited them all over and our group of 19 was perfected, the three groups soon mingled and the wolf pack was created! Over the weekend we had the addition of a Mancunian and some more Maltese to add to our group!

This led to a huge- and probably very loud- group having the ability during the acts to split up and everyone to see something with someone from the group! Meeting this group was lovely and they really added to the experience!

The acts were also phenomenal and it felt as if the acts knew that they should say goodbye to Balado with a bang!! I saw all the acts I had wanted to see such as, Kaiser Chiefs, Paolo Nutini and the Arctic Monkeys the boys we had met from Dumbarton helped push myself and my good friend Holly out of our comfort zone by taking us to see DJ Fresh and Steve Angello which actually led us to have a great time.

The best act of the weekend was, without a doubt, Calvin Harris! We had just watched the chilled out experience that is Paolo Nutini and were eagerly awaiting the insanity that is Calvin Harris and after the 20 minute wait it was time. Will Smith then walks out on stage and explains that he is there to enjoy the T experience alongside his close friend Calvin Harris! This was such a shock to everyone and the whole crowd went mental! Calvin then came out and everyone got so excited! The music started as did the raving and despite me spending the week previous to T saying it wasn’t my sort of music, it definitely is now!!

All the highlights from T in the Park can be found on BBC iPlayer and on the BBC YouTube channel! Check it out and see if you can spot me!!

I should probably give a shout out to the wolf pack that consisted of Holly, Laura, Laura, Kirsty, Kirsty, Mairead, James, Colin, Chloe, Lee, Adam, Kieran, Robert, Kris, Robert, Craig, Shaun, Jake, Zack, Daniel, Andrea, Kurt and Sam, thank you for such an insane experience! Can’t wait for our reunions and the wolf pack on tour!

My Unhealthy Obsession with Gym Clothes

Over the past few months I have noticed I have become somewhat seduced by the attempts of sports brands to make me think that I could become the new Jessica Ennis. This has lead to an obvious rise in the amount of gym/workout clothes I have started to buy, from this my family have become increasingly concerned with this addiction I have created for myself! The worry is that I dont even go to the gym! The most workout I have done is well, attempting to get out of bed in the morning and usually failing till afternoon!

Why do I do this though? If I dont go to the gym why am I spending hundreds of pounds on items of clothing that’ll never be seen in public? I cant wear these clothes and shoes out in town on a day out and I dont go to the gym so why on earth would I waste money on clothes I may never wear? Well luckily if your looking for an answer to these questions you’ve come to the right place because I have a theory as to why us girls do this.

In the shopping centres and towns us girls feel like we are constantly being watched and judged by one another- which I dont think actually happens- so by going into these stores and coming out with big shopping bags we look like we work out and hope to make other girls feel like they should be working out as well to look as good as us. I feel that this allows us to not go to the gym cause other girls think we have so why would we have to go? A bit egotistical, but I think every girl can agree that a little bit of us hopes we’re better than the girl standing next to us?

I hope that this has made at least some sense and if anyone disagrees I’d love to hear your theories!

The Nightmare of Prom

I suppose everyone has extremely high expectations of prom due to the constant ‘need’ for the best¬†dress (or suit/kilt) and the idea that the only time youll look better than you did on your prom day is your wedding day. However, every girl I have spoken to has had a slight nightmare with their prom prep, whether it be; the fake tan, the makeup, the dress or just the stress of it all. This leads me onto my own nightmare which may seem miniscule however to me at the time it was the most horrific feeling of all time! Luckily I can laugh about it now.

My nightmare came when my dress ordered from the internet and lovingly bought by my grandfather arrived, I had picked a gorgeous blue and gold dress that was fitted and came out at the bottom, however to my disgust the dress as soon as I put it on was, in my opinion so unflattering and ugly on me! This led to floods of tears and a visit from my best friend to ask why I was so upset, she of course told me I looked lovely but I just didnt feel that ‘princess’ feel that I’d dreamt of! So of course my mum being the lovely woman she is bought me a new dress! The new dress was the most gorgeous dress ever and my confidence in prom was quickly restored.

The next nightmare came on the day of prom, so after my waxing, tan and nails having been done the day before and my hair being done and me loving it I was certain nothing could go wrong from there. Next was makeup, I adore doing makeup myself and if I ever have any free time I’ll play about with some looks, however I wanted that ‘movie star’ feel, like I had nothing to do all day cause it was MY day. This for me was the stupidest thing I could’ve done as I am a perfectionist!

The nightmare started when the makeup artist put NAIL GLUE on my eyes! She then applied the glitter as I had wanted a full glitter eye, the glue soon crinckled up and in turn left my eyes in a huge amount of pain and my confidence left in tatters! I asked for the makeup to be removed and left as quickly as I could as I only had 30 minutes to get home, get my dress on and do my makeup. The car journey home was when the tears started and everything sunk in, I then got my makeup set up and quickly did my makeup the way I wanted it done! The stress slowly got easier to deal with as I finished my eyes with a pair of false lashes.

This was the start of one of the best nights of my life! Once my wonderful best friend¬†had reassured me that he thought I looked gorgeous my confidence slowly built throughout the night (and into the early hours of the morning). I now know that I am the best at doing my own makeup unless the makeup artist is famous! I’m so happy with how my prom went in the end but I really wish I had believed in my own abilities!

 

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